Sunday, December 31, 2006
The World Revolves Around You, My Quarry
There is one conviction every man and every woman in the western world shares. That is the certitude, "I am different. I am unique. I am special. No matter how ordinary I may appear to the outside world, inside I know I am a singular sensation." Some lucky children were raised in an atmosphere of unconditional love. Many less fortunate ones weren't. And then there is the majority—those who grew up thinking they enjoyed unconditional love—only to find that there were strings attached. And Mommy's and Daddy's love really wasn't unconditional after all. Many people spend the rest of their lives desperately searching for that someone who will help them recapture the childhood dream of unconditional love. They convince themselves, "Someday, somewhere, someone will come along. This individual will recognize my specialness over all other ordinary individuals. He or she will love me for being me. Not for my physical beauty, not for my money, but for me, for the essence of me." Make your Quarry feel you are that person. Your reward is that he or she will fall in love with you. You can make your Quarry perceive that you are the person who will give unconditional love, but you must go about it subtly. Premature, inappropriate compliments can turn your Quarry off. Ego Massage Is a Highly Skilled Craft A skillful ego massage is not just giving compliments. It is gaining a thorough understanding of your Quarry's self-image and then fostering it. Your Quarry's ideal self-image is crucial data in planning your menu to nourish his or her ego and thus win his or her love. Not everyone wants to feel brilliant or beautiful. There are those who want to be perceived as Mr. Clean, a playboy, a Lolita, a sweet little princess, or a crazy, wonderful kinda crackpot genius. The variety of self-images is incalculable. The secret is not to blatantly compliment but to support your Quarry's self-image. From your first conversation, you must listen between the lines to uncover how your Quarry sees himself or herself. The pools where people behold the most ideal reflections of themselves are the eyes of the men and women they fall in love with. Feeding your Quarry's ideal self-image is critical for sustenance of the relationship. But it's also as perilous as handing raw meat to a ravenous lion or lioness. Beware of insincere compliments or praise that misses the mark. One bad move and early love gets eaten alive. A well-executed ego massage proceeds gracefully through four steps. It begins with making your Quarry feel that, because of his magnetism, he has instantly captivated you. Then, as you and your Quarry are chatting, you must make him sense strong empathy flowing from you. Step three is to start interjecting your approval. Now, as your Quarry reveals more of himself to you, you may begin to bestow implied compliments. Along the way you can develop private jokes and other techniques that we will learn to make Page 125 him feel special. Finally, when your Quarry senses that you realize how special he is, he is ready for the big guns, killer compliments. Skilled praise is a powerful magnet. People react powerfully to praise, especially from someone they have just met. Explorations of couples who broke up prove that compliments from a new admirer carried a lot more clout than those from a current lover. 36 If you are currently in a relationship, the competition is tough. Your Quarry becomes immune to many of your casual compliments and wearies of them if they are inappropriate. Taken one for one, a strong on-target compliment from a new admirer is a much more stunning blow. The same study showed that insults and digs from current lovers, spouses, and friends are more damaging than those from strangers. Because they hold more of a capacity to hurt or offend, current lovers play double jeopardy in the game of love. This is good news for you if you are the newcomer on the scene. Use your advantage. Strike while the iron is hot. If your Quarry is currently in a relationship which is in trouble, your compliments can be a salve to soothe sagging spirits and make your Quarry turn to you for a renewed self-image. Let us now proceed on the step-by-step plan to make your Quarry feel that he or she has, at long last, found the person with the potential to give unconditional love.