Sunday, December 31, 2006

"How Do You Feel About That?"

Ever since they were little girls, women have shown spooky intuition when picking up on subtle tones of voice and facial expressions. The gentle sex is eerily expert at knowing how someone feels. A man, conversely, can't pick up on a sad face until his tie is drenched in his partner's tears. Perhaps that's why women discuss feelings and men (because they're no darn good at it) seldom bring up the subject. Women, when talking with their friends, often ask each other how they feel about a certain situation. (The last time some men used the word feel was when they told their high school buddies they got to feel up a girl in the backseat.) Hunter, you will distinguish yourself as a rare man indeed, if, while a woman is talking, you interject the elementary question, "How do feel about that?" You can ask the question about practically anything. Say she is talking about her home or something her sister did, her father said, or her friend asked. Maybe she's telling you about her job, what her boss said, or what her coworker did. No matter what she is discussing, she has feelings on the subject and, unlike you, she is probably more in touch with those feelings. She can articulate them better. Here is a foolproof technique to make a woman perceive you as a truly sensitive man. TECHNIQUE #59 (FOR HUNTERS): "HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THAT?" Hunters, whatever she is discussing, simply ask, "How do you feel about that?" Go ahead, force yourself. After she pulls her jaw back up to get it operable, she will respond enthusiastically. Huntresses, can you ask a man how he feels about a particular situation? Sure, but early in a relationship, he will probably consider it an irrelevant female question. He might give you a one- or two-word answer which you, of course would interpret as abrupt. Things could spiral down from there. Men simply don't usually think first about their feelings, just as you are not as comfortable thinking in competitive terms. Suppose, in conversation with a man, you tell him how, instead of one of your female coworkers, you got a promotion. The man suddenly asks, "Good going. How did you tromp her?" The question would take you aback. Your internal dialogue would probably say, "Well, I didn't tromp her. I simply was given the promotion because I deserved it." You would, of course, answer him politely, but the competitive male nature of his question would not endear him to you. Women tend to be less competitive. They enjoy winning, but no special sense of victory comes from the defeat of the loser. His asking "How did you tromp her?" is not a question women readily relate to. Likewise, "How do you feel about" a certain situation is not a question a man can readily relate to. Unless you are talking with one of the rare men who enjoys exploring his feelings, play it safe. Save your feelings questions for later in the relationship—much later.
TECHNIQUE #60 (FOR HUNTRESSES): DON'T EXPLORE ''FEELINGS'' TOO EARLY IN A RELATIONSHIP Huntresses, until the relationship is in safe waters or you detect that your Quarry is the sensitive type, don't go overboard by asking a man how he feels about a situation. You may rock the boat before it gets launched.

No comments: