Sunday, December 31, 2006
"I Hope He or She's Not a Jerk Like All the Others"
Did you see the 1977 movie Annie Hall? When Diane Keaton is out with Woody Allen for the first time, a little bubble comes out of her head, saying, "I hope he's not a jerk like all the others." During the first moments of meeting you, your Quarry is hoping the same about you. Early love is a delicate little flower. Its tiny petals are often crushed when one of the partners unknowingly commits a small blooper on the first date and turns the other off. A stupid joke, the slurping of a Coke, an unintended insult, all can abort the takeoff and leave a new relationship burning on the side of the runway. Later in the love affair the same blooper might amount to no more than a slightly uncomfortable air pocket. The fumbles we will explore here are gender-specific, and many are new unacceptables. With the emerging equality of men and women, actions that used to be taken for granted now drive the opposite sex bonkers. In another era, another society, another economy, a man could get away with spending every Friday night with the boys or whipping out a cigar at the table. His lady was expected to smile pleasantly as the smoke asphyxiated her. There was a time when a woman was expected to have no aspirations outside the home and to be interested only in "woman-talk." Men felt self-righteous leaving the women to "pratter" as they retired into the den to deliberate on really important issues, like which cigar had the best flavor. Times have changed. What used to be a resigned, "Well, boys will be boys!" or "Isn't that just like a woman?" is now grounds for your Quarry to depart for greener pastures. Today, Huntresses demand a sensitive man who will share their feelings. And Hunters envision a superwoman who gives them great company, great kids, great compassion, and great orgasms. Does this new breed of sensitive man and superwoman exist? The question is academic, because it's not reality but your Quarry's perceptions we're dealing with. This section gives you techniques to convince your Quarry that you are indeed that extraordinaryindividual. You are a sensitive man. You are a superwoman. Hunters, when you use some of the words and ideas I'm going to suggest, your Quarry will say to herself, "At last, a sensitive man—one who understands me and I can talk to." Huntresses, when your Quarry hears some of the following words and sentiments coming from your feminine lips, he will say, "At last, a sensible woman—one who understands me and I can relate to. This woman is really special. I think I'm in love." This section is especially valuable for capturing the heart of a gun-shy Quarry who, because he or she is fearful of relationships, often runs at the first sign of stereotypical gender behavior. We will talk about the most common gender-specific fatal fumbles which usually appear on first dates and eat away at early love. I will show you how to avoid these pitfalls or at least not get thrown out of the game on a stupid penalty. "I Want a Man I Can Talk to, a Woman Who Thinks Like a Man" We spot the gender gap very early, in nursery schools and kindergartens all across America. In the middle of the room, little boys are bashing other little boys. Meanwhile, around the nursery, little girls are sharing toys and holding deep communion with other little girls. Unfortunately, the same gap splits many middle-class parties of marrieds right down the middle. The men stand center stage arguing sports or politics, and the women, seated around the room, are supportively chatting with each other. Why the division? It's simply because men enjoy talking about certain subjects and women fancy others. Additionally, men have different styles of talking than women do. How can we translate this cleft into a technique to capture your Quarry? Learn how to captivate the opposite sex with your conversation. Discover what subjects interest him or her. Hunters, to help a woman fall in love with you, look like a man, work like a man, walk like a man, talk deep-voiced like a man—but be sensitive like a woman. Intelligently discuss subjects which interest her. Huntresses, to help a man fall in love with you, look like a woman, smile like a woman, smell like a woman, speak softly like a woman—but think like a man. Intelligently discuss subjects that interest him. Men, don't be frightened that you will sound effeminate discussing the subtleties women excel at, such as insights into people and their feelings. Being a fascinating conversationalist to a woman definitely does not detract from your masculinity. It merely makes you multidimensional and engrossing to talk to. Women, don't be concerned that discussing subjects the boys like makes you sound like one of the boys. Hearing subjects and sentiments close to a man's heart coming from your softly rounded feminine lips makes you a fascinating woman. He'll think you're different from the rest of the females he's dated—a high compliment coming from a man. How men and women differ in communication styles could, and has, filled volumes. I highly recommend you read a book dedicated to gender differences to give you a more indepth understanding of men, women, and why they communicate so differently. Some excellent ones have been written by John Gray and Deborah Tannen, among others. God revealed a cold and hard fact to us back in the Garden of Eden. Quite simply, He made men and women different. (One wonders if, in all His wisdom, He realized quite how different His creatures would turn out to be!) John F. Kennedy said, "If we cannot now end our differences, at least we can help make the world safe for diversity." Let us alter one word of that sage advice. Hunters, Huntresses, if we cannot now end our differences, at least we can help make the world safe for love. The following techniques are a good start.