Sunday, December 31, 2006

Huntresses, Become a Sexual Sleuth

How do you find out what really turns a man on in bed? Most Huntresses just wing it with what we used to call the peter-meter. They try this, they try that, and then they watch his reaction. Some women do their research smack-dab in the middle of the action by asking, "Do you like this, honey? Does that feel good?" Enterprising Huntresses ask, "Would you like anything else?" That's good. But not good enough. To turn up the sexual electricity, you must don your Sherlock Holmes cap, grab your magnifying glass, and slink stealthily through all the twists and turns of your Quarry's sexual psyche. You must become a sexual sleuth. You don't need to blatantly pump him for information. Men are walking lighthouses. Round-the-clock, they flash signals about what turns them on. Yet many Huntresses row their loveboats right into the rocks as though a deaf, dumb, and blind oarswoman were at the helm. The first step is to develop a special antenna tuned to the right channel—the one that gives off your Quarry's sexual signals. Listen carefully to his everyday conversation. Keep your antenna tuned when he's talking about his childhood, his pre- vious relationships, his likes, and his dislikes. Listen between the words for his attitudes, his emotions. Pick up hints. Most important, develop an ear for any sexual references. Keep your antenna especially fine-tuned in bed. For example, Huntresses, in the heat of passion, does your man cry out, "Oh, baby!" "Oh, darling!" "Oh, mistress!" or ''Oh, you beautiful bitch!''? These are keys to his sexual fantasies. With some men, you don't need to play detective. They openly tell you their fantasies. When they do, they're flinging you the master key to their heart, hoping you'll catch it. Most Huntresses just let it slip through their fingers. How do you go about erecting an antenna to pick up his sexual wavelength? How do you know which of the sixty-eight thousand different shades of sex he's hinting at? Everyone's sexual desires are deeply buried in their psyches. Precisely what thrills your Quarry goes way back to his childhood. Whether your Quarry wants you to be a sexy siren (like Roger needed) or a sweet young thing (like Christopher preferred) got programmed into his psyche while he was still riding his tricycle. Our childhood experiences leave an indelible mark not only on our personalities and our temperaments, but on our sexual desires as well. Just like the little ducklings who got imprinted with Dr. Lorenz and waddled after him around the laboratory, any highly emotional incident can become carved into our personal Lovemap. We may remember the incident. We may not. But the experience leaves its sexual imprint. Roger remembered the source of his desires. He recalls, as a young boy, walking with his father along Eighth Avenue in New York City, a favorite hangout of prostitutes. As they passed, one lady of the night shouted out to his father, "Hey, big boy, wanna f***? C'mon, f*** me!" Roger's father jolted, quickly cuffed his hands over his son's little ears, and whisked him away into a cab. Roger speculates his father's profound reaction to the words f*** me is what emblazoned the experience in his psychosexual memory bank. At breakfast the next morning, Roger asked his father what f*** meant, and his father, usually very self-assured, became flustered. Roger said that at that moment he felt an intense sense of power over his father that he had never felt before. Power, to a male, is very heady stuff. To this day, that's why Roger responds so potently to a woman using that forbidden word. Sexual imprinting doesn't stop at childhood. Freud said that it's not just two people in bed—it's six; you, your lover, your mother, your father, your lover's mother, and your lover's father. I'd like to expand that list to a include a few more people. Every other lover your man has ever had has influenced what he wants sexually. His core sexual appetite remains the same, but desires for new explorations and experiences continue throughout life. Let Your Quarry Know You're a Sexual Adventurer Practically all men want to continue exploring their sexuality. They are tremendously turned on by a woman who is openminded enough to play. At The Project I interviewed a man who had recently started dating his girlfriend, Tania. John said their lovemaking was exciting, and Tania seemed open to whatever he did. He was beginning to have serious feelings (i.e., love) for her. One Sunday they were taking a country drive on a long, lonely road that wound through an enticingly private-looking woods. John started to feel those familiar rumblings. He turned to Tania and asked, "What would you say to a quickie in the woods over there?" John said Tania had looked at him as though he were crazy. That night, at her house, as they were about to get into bed, John had another adventurous erotic suggestion. He examined Tania's sturdy dresser, which was just about the right height. Full of hope, he said, "Honey, why don't you sit up on the dresser and we'll do it there?" Again Tania frowned and looked at John as though he had gone bonkers. Actually, John said, she went along with it, and they made love with him standing and her sitting on the dresser. But her initial reaction made him feel dirty and guilty for suggesting this unusual position. He never again proposed any other unusual place or position for sex. As much as John liked Tania, this was the beginning of the end of their relationship. Most men want a woman who will be adventurous and accept their requests with open arms, or at least an open mind. Like Diogenes, forever in search of the honest man, males are forever in search of the woman who will fulfill all their fantasies. Huntresses, to get him to fall in love with you, be that woman. Uncover His Core Fantasies To extract a man's core sexual preferences, you must peel back the protective layers he's spent years meticulously constructing around them. It is incredible how we casually ask a man about his taste in food, films, books, music, sports, and hobbies, but leave out the most important taste of all. How often do we look a man straight in the eye and ask him, "What turns you on?" Asking a man what turns him on requires a bit more finesse, however, than just blurting it out like "Hey, what's your favorite movie?" You should carefully choose the time, the place, the atmosphere, and your attitude. The time should be a relaxed time, but not when sex is in the immediate picture. The place should be somewhere private, but not the bedroom. The atmosphere should be conducive to letting him talk, uninterrupted, for a long, long time. Above all, your attitude should be playful, mischievous, hopeful. Couch the question in a way that leaves no doubt in his mind that you are asking what really turns him on. Let him know that anything goes, and the juicier the better. The goal is to get him to sing like a happy canary. Make Your Quarry Feel Safe Sharing His Deepest Desires If you want your Quarry to spill the beans, you must make him feel safe giving you an honest answer to the question, "What turns you on?" Set the stage by letting him know that nothing would shock or turn you off. You will not be judgmental. You are a very open-minded woman and, in fact you enjoy far-out sex stories. How do you do that? Just like an opening act warms up the audience for the main act, you must warm up your Quarry by telling him a story. Get him in the mood to share his own sexual stories by telling him one of yours—some sexual adventure that happened to you or one of your girlfriends. If you are telling your own story, make sure you come across as innocent, yet sexually adventuresome. Recount an adventure that lets him know you have a vivid sexual imagination but are not promiscuous. Also, be careful that your story doesn't hurt his ego or make him jealous. Often it is better to share an exciting sexual experience that "a friend" told you about. Did one of your girlfriends ever go out with a man who was into a menage a trois or play a far-out fantasy with her boyfriend? If so, tell your Quarry about it with a jealous twinkle in your eye, as though you wish it had been you who was so fortunate to find such an imaginative lover. If you don't have any personal experiences to share with your Quarry, let me tell you about a friend of mine named Alicia. I give you permission to borrow Alicia as "your friend" for the purposes of regaling your Quarry with your sexually adventuresome spirit. Alicia said she had always fantasized about being "raped." Not real rape, mind you, but fantasy rape, a very common female fantasy. Alicia was going out with a fellow named Jim who desperately wanted to go to bed with her. Jim hinted. Jim implored. Jim begged. But Alicia held out. Alicia was a woman of the world and, a trifle bored with her previous lovers, decided she wouldn't have sex with Jim unless she could do it her way. One Thursday evening, after a movie date, Jim drove Alicia back to her secluded country home, which was miles out in the middle of nowhere. He walked Alicia to her front door and begged to come in. Once again, Alicia demurred. However, this time she said, "Jim, you can't come in now. Not tonight. Not tomorrow night." She saw the familiar disappointment on Jim's face. "But," she said, pressing her door key into his hand, "any night after that—don't tell me when—I want you to. . . ." Alicia then proceeded to tell Jim precisely what she wanted. He would drive up to her house in the wee hours of the morning. The door would be unlocked. Alicia would be asleep. Jim was to enter her bedroom quietly and sneak past her bed into the bathroom. She told him he would find a condom in the cabinet. He was to take all his clothes off, put the condom on, then stealthily approach her bed. Alicia wanted Jim to press his hand over her mouth and proceed to tear her nightgown off. She would resist as hard as she could. She would yell and scream, "No! No! Help! Rape!" Since she lived in the middle of the woods, no one would hear. Alicia would then run for the phone to call the police. But Jim would overpower her and "rape" her. That's precisely what happened. Alicia said she'll never forget the vision of Jim silhouetted by the ray of light streaming from the bathroom door. Only one thing varied from Alicia's plan. Jim didn't "rape" her just once that night. He "raped" her twice. And they made love again as the sun came up. The beauty of using a third-party story like Jim and Alicia's is twofold. You are not admitting to any wildness yourself that might come back to haunt you later in the relationship, and you are attributing the strange fantasy to the woman, not the man, thus protecting the secrets of other men you've been with. Most important, you are also paving the way for your Quarry to tell his favorite story. In typical male fashion, he'll want to play "I can top that." As you tell your Quarry this or your own sexual adventure, watch his reactions. He will probably look at you in a new light. He will say to himself, "Hey, this woman has an exciting imagination. She's open to adventure!" Not every man wants a sexually experienced woman, but practically every man wants a woman who is turned on by new sexual experiences, especially with him. As you finish your adventure story, be prepared to handle various reactions. For instance, your Quarry may be wide-eyed and ask if you would like to be raped (or whatever happened to your heroine). "No, not exactly," you can laugh. Then wink and ask, "Any other suggestions?" You have now paved the way for him to feel comfortable sharing his deepest sexual desires. You may come up with nothing, or you may unearth the key to his heart. But now be prepared to hear some of the most common male fantasies coming from his lips. What are the most common secret male fantasies? Fantasies of having sex with two women, seeing two women make love to each other, watching other couples make love, seeing a woman masturbate, having the woman take charge and give him sexual commands, dominating a woman . . . the list goes on. The list also gets increasingly more far-out and esoteric. If there are any secret marbles in your Quarry's little bag, he will now spill them out into your lap, thrilled that he is with such a free-spirited woman. TECHNIQUE #77 (FOR HUNTRESSES): WHAT TURNS YOU ON? Huntresses, purr mysteriously about how you like imaginative sex. Tell him a story like Alicia's, then, with a mischievous little grin on your face, ask him, "What turns you on?" His answer could be the golden egg guaranteed to get his goose . . . and get him to fall in love with you.
The Hot Purr Follow-Up Huntresses, your work isn't over yet—far from it. Whatever his answer, feign excitement. Put a twinkle in your eye and say, "Oh, really?" Then maybe bite your lip a little, trying to suppress your thrill, and croon, "Tell me more." Punctuate his monologue with appropriate ooh's and aah's, and sexy smiles. Your goal is to get him to continue talking about whatever turns him on. A few warnings. It is crucial, as he is sharing these intimacies with you, that you don't let one minuscule judgmental frown flicker across your brow. Most women are smart enough when they see their lover's penis for the first time, to know they should look impressed. Well, when a man is sharing his fantasies with you, he is baring his mental private parts. He is sensitive to your every expression. One disapproving look, and he zips his lips on this subject, maybe forever. TECHNIQUE #78 (FOR HUNTRESSES): THE HOT PURR RESPONSE How should you respond when you get your Quarry talking about sex? An approving moan, a hot purr, and perhaps a naughty smile punctuated by a little licking of your lips is what X-rated Miss Manners suggests. Do All Men Have a Sexual Secret? Get ready for a pretty surprising statistic. Therapists report that about 90 percent of men have a secret desire they've never shared with their wives or significant others. The New York Times reported in a headline that "Much Is Found Perverse." 53 We'll get to that subject later, but for the moment let's talk about the most common male fantasy secrets. What kind of secrets do men harbor? Nothing outrageous, nothing shocking. But something that they fear their mothers would tell them they're dirty for thinking—like the six most prevalent secret male fantasies listed earlier in this book. Incidentally, the What Turns You On technique is a splendid method for finding out if you two are going to be sexually compatible in the long run. Some men have sexual habits and proclivities that are a nice place to visit, but you wouldn't want to live with them. Suppose you're sitting across the restaurant table with the reflection of candlelight in the beautiful wineglass flickering off your expectant, smiling face. You've asked your Quarry, "What turns you on?" He starts telling you some bizarre activity you could never accept. What should you do? Scream? Grab your bag and run? Say, "Ugh, that's disgusting!" or "What a sicko you are!''? No. Listen anyway. React as though what he's saying is exciting. Run to the ladies' room and gag later if it's something you find really distasteful, but now is not the time to show your disgust. You've led your Quarry this far down the garden path, and it's not fair to kick sand in his face. Incidentally, you must never share your man's secret with anyone else, not even your best friend. You have tricked him into telling you, and now you must play fair. Chances are your Quarry's secret will be something very ordinary, but if you want him to fall in love with you, it's up to you to make him think you find his very ordinary desires extraordinarily exciting. Ask Knock-His-Socks-Off Details Questions Now is the time to pretend you're in Political Science Filibuster class. This is your final exam on how long you can keep a monologue (his) going. Ask your Quarry every conceivable question about his fantasy. At first he may be taken a little aback by your friendly interrogation. Within moments, I promise you, he'll get into the swing of things and be thrilled with your line of questioning. The number one most rampant secret male fantasy is wanting to be in bed with two women, or watching two women make love to each other. Let's say you've just used the What Turns You On and Hot Purr Response techniques with your Quarry. Fantasizing two womentogether was his big confession. You: "Hmmm. [You purr.] That's exciting. What do the two women look like?" He answers. You: "Really? [You get a twinkle in your eye.] Ooh. Do they have any clothes on?" He answers. You: "Wow. [Flash him a cute, mischievous, naughty smile.] Is one of them seducing the other, or are they both into it?" He answers. You: "Umm, I like that. [Sincere curiosity.] Is this the first time they've ever made it with another woman?" He answers. You: "Do they have names in your fantasy." If they do, start using their names. You: "Umm. [Lick your lips.] Where do Barb and Di kiss each other?" He answers. You: "Ooh! [You're really into it now.] Are Barb and Di lesbians, or did they just find each other irresistible?" And so it goes, and so your Quarry's excitement grows. By now, if you're having this conversation over dinner, the table could start levitating due to his growing erection. All right, Huntresses, I exaggerate, but keep the questions coming and you will enjoy the new way your Quarry looks at you. No matter how exciting he thought you were before, you are now becoming much more thrilling to him. Don't take it personally and feel neglected because your Quarry is talking about Barb and Di, or whoever is in his fantasy, instead of you. Believe me, his appreciation of your open-minded attitude will soon turn his thoughts to you. TECHNIQUE #79: THE X-RATED INTERVIEW As he's telling you what really turns him on, keep your Quarry talking, and talking, and talking. Pretend you're a TV hostess interviewing a movie star on his latest film. Ask your Quarry every conceivable question about his hot fantasies. Punctuate his answers by purring, twinkling your eyes, moaning, licking your lips, and giving him other subtle signs of approval. Huntresses, you must now get a clear picture of how far your Quarry wants to go with his fantasies. Ask him if he prefers to think about his fantasies during sex, wants to talk about them while making love, or would like to actually act them out. This is a potentially dangerous question because he might take it as his big opener and ask you if you would fulfill his fantasy. Don't say no. Don't say yes. Leave him guessing, but convince him you are open-minded. In the instance of the two-women fantasy, you might say, "Well, I've never gone to bed with another woman, but it sounds very exciting. I'd have to give it a lot of thought." Believe me, you will never have to go to bed with another woman if you don't want to. The fantasy alone will keep him going for years. In fact, many men just prefer the fantasy. Huntresses, Discover His Trigger Words Huntresses, we have heard many times that a man is visual when it comes to sex, but did you know he is also very auditory? Like a little kid listening to bedtime stories, a man loves to hear the magic words that turn him on—over, and over, and over again. I call them trigger words because they are bullets that shoot straight through to their target. Trigger words aimed at a woman's heart are a powerful relationship booster, but let's talk now about how trigger words aimed at a man's sexual desires are a potent aphrodisiac. A man can close his eyes to the concrete world of job and family and bills and submerge himself in a universe of sexual fantasy. When you whisper the precise words that trigger his desire, you can propel him right into another world, and he takes you along with him. Men love to talk about sex with a woman who will pass no negative judgments. If some men are willing to rack up hefty charges on their credit cards just to share their fantasies with a woman on the phone, talking about fantasies must be important to them. Many men who can't fantasy-talk to their wives or girlfriends call a sex-phone service to tell a strange woman what turns them on. What happens in a typical hot talk 900-number call? A woman with a sexy voice asks (after payment terms have been arranged, of course), ''What are you thinking about? What are your sexiest, deepest, hottest fantasies? Hmmm? Tell me all about it." All she needs is a few sentences from him to get him rolling. Whatever the caller says, the woman pretends to be very excited about it: "Oh, really? Ummm, I like that." A phone-line pro has been trained to listen carefully to her caller's words—to use, if you will, the Echoing technique we talked about previously. She makes up a story, a fantasy, using his words. Let's go back to our example of the widespread male fantasy of two women having sex together. Suppose a phone-sex caller said he'd like to "watch two blonds who are hot for each other go at it." That's all the pro needs. She has her trigger words to give him his money's worth. The call might go something like this. She might say, "Oh, you like to watch two women go at it, hmmm? I like other women. Especially blonds." (Notice, the phone-sex pro didn't say have sex, make love, or even the "f" word. She used her caller's precise phrase, go at it.) Her caller would respond breathlessly, "You do?" "Oh, yes," she'll answer. ''I've gone at it with lots of women. Funny, now that I think of it, they've all been blonds." Her caller's heavy breathing starts. "Are . . . are . . . are you blond?" he asks. When she answers, "Oh, yes. I've got long blond hair. I'm about 5'9"," he gasps. Now the operator racks her brain to make up a story. After all, the meter is running, and she wants to keep her caller on the line as long as she can. "Well, it just was last summer," she begins. "I spotted Sheila sitting on the other side of the pool. She was combing out her long blond hair. When she stood up I noticed she was very tall and had a beautiful body. I started to get hot for her. I walked over to her and. . . ." There was, of course, never any Sheila, never any swimming pool, and never any sex between the 900-number lady and another woman. In fact, the 900-number woman probably wasn't blond, wasn't tall, and might not even be a woman. Sometimes transvestites with feminine voices work for the 900-number services. But these details don't matter. It's the fantasy, and the trigger words, that count with the caller.
TECHNIQUE #80 (FOR HUNTRESSES): TRIGGER WORDS Listen carefully when your Quarry has shed his inhibitions and is talking about sex. Does he say woman, female, lady, chick, girl, doll, babe? To turn him on, be erotically correct, not politically correct. When he's feeling erotic, does he refer to your breasts, boobs, titties, knockers, kajoobies? If you want to turn up the heat, forget your ladylike euphemisms during sex. Use whatever words he uses. Your Quarry might not have a sexual fantasy as specific as the one in the example we used, but just get him talking about sex—anything about sex. Ask him about previous sexual experiences. Ask him what he thinks about when he masturbates (all men do). Ask him what would be the most exciting sexual experience he could imagine. Listen to his choice of words. When he's feeling comfortable, how does he refer to his penis? Don't copy the word he uses when he's in polite conversation. Listen for the one he says when he's hot. Sometimes you turn a man off if you don't use his trigger words. I interviewed a man at The Project who said he got very excited when he heard the word screwing, but his girlfriend always said making love. He loved his girlfriend and, of course, when screwing her, he said he was feeling love. But he longed to have her just once say, "Dear, please screw me." Huntresses, give your Quarry a rare treat, a sexual thrill he doesn't usually get from a woman he's in a relationship with. You can do it almost any time, any place—on the phone, across the dinner table, while walking in the mall. Simply whisper his trigger words in his ear. Give Your Quarry Good Bed Rap The pinnacle auditory sexual experience for your Quarry is hearing his own special hot words coming across the pillow from you to him during sex. Above all, when the two of you are in bed together, use his words, not yours. No matter how dumb the words sound to you, if he's told you they're a turn-on for him, believe it.
TECHNIQUE #81: BED RAP Huntresses, remember all the details of his answer when you asked him, "What turns you on?" Bring those sexual fantasies into bed with the two of you. Make up bedtime stories for him. Be his own private 900-number especially when it counts—during sex. Along with the words, invoke your Quarry's fantasies in bed. Find a way to bring up the hot stories he's told you. For example, if your Quarry had the "Barb and Di" fantasy we spoke about earlier, during foreplay, ask him with a mischievous sparkle in your eye, "Hey, how are Barb and Di doing?" If this is the first time you're using this technique with him, Page 287 he might mumble something like, "Uh, gee, I was thinking about you, Sweetie." Then you say, "I wasn't. I was thinking about Barb and Di. That really is very exciting." Talking a man through his fantasies during sex is called bed rap. Huntresses, it's not entirely selfless. A good bed rap keeps the needle high on the crude, old-fashioned peter-meter for your ultimate pleasure.

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