Sunday, December 31, 2006

How to Establish Complementary Needs

"I Got Just What You Need, Baby" I remember once, as a very little girl, asking my mother what made a Mommy and a Daddy want to get married. She recited the following nursery rhyme to me. Jack Spratt could eat no fat. His wife could eat no lean. So, between them both, you see, They licked the platter clean. For years, I felt that grownups always fell in love with someone who was different. On the surface I wasn't wrong. The studies show that, basically, men and women seek someone similar. As we have examined, lovers seek someone with similar interests, similar values, and similar ways of looking at the world and at relationships. This is the deep stuff. However, superimposed on the similarity is a surface layer of difference. Lovers also look for complementary qualities to bring them, as a couple, to completion. Some people seek qualities to make up for their lacks. A man who can't boil an egg appreciates a good cook. A woman who doesn't know a fan belt from a fuel pump appreciates a lover who knows what's going on under the hood of her car. A man who can't balance a checkbook is impressed that his sweetheart knows how to read the stock market ticker. Your Quarry will appreciate your complementary differences. Maybe. You have to be a detective and figure out precisely what complementary qualities your Quarry likes and which leave him or her cold (or, worse, which make your Quarry jealous or hostile). How do you do this? You can casually ask about your Quarry's previous relationships. "What did you like about Jim?" "What held you and Sue together?" "What was Dan's best quality?" ''What was Betty's strength?'' You'll hear an unbelievable variety of answers. "Jim was so handy; he could fix anything. Sue always read the paper and let me know what was going on in the world. Dan was really gregarious, and we had so many friends when we were together. Betty was a super bargain hunter, so we always got the best deal in anything we bought." Keep your ears open and your love computer receiving data. Pretty soon a picture starts to emerge. If you have a skill that your Quarry needs (and is lousy at), you've hit pay dirt. If you have a trait your Quarry wishes he or she had, bingo! That's the complementary quality that your Quarry needs in a long-term relationship.
TECHNIQUE #31: I GOT JUST WHAT YOU NEED From time to time, casually ask what qualities your Quarry admired in his or her previous lovers. At a later date, when your Quarry has forgotten you had asked, start hinting at what a hotshot you are in those areas. Page 119 Lovers, beware. Don't reveal complementary qualities too soon. The studies show that partners seek these assets later in the relationship, after they're secure in their basic similarity. 35 After you have established your similarity with the previous five techniques, this one puts the final pegs in the right holes to make you and your Quarry a perfect fit. Let us now move on to an unbeatable recipe to conquer the heart of your choice. In the next section, we will cook up some delicious specialties to feed the ego monster and then make it become addicted to the diet you offer.

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